So yesterday as I watched a live stream video of a board meeting from EPSB I observed their 3 minute at a time rule for speaking.
Oh sure you get another 3 minutes on the next round but that there can be a lot of time between those ‘3 minutes.’ For me anyway. So I know I bring some great things to a meeting. However…..I know I can be impatient waiting for time to speak. I think I’m worried we’re not going to get everything said. So….I am making a commitment (to myself) to work on this. To create a new habit. My new habit will be…….I will only speak 3 minutes at a time. I might have to practice this. Actually I might have to practice a lot. I’m getting kind of old to change a bad habit in a day. Creating a new behavior isn’t always easy. You often start out all enthusiastic and excited (that’s where I’m at as I write this.) But since you usually have to keep doing it every day for about 30 days or once a week for a whole lot of weeks to make the new habit into something that sticks and feels natural it becomes harder after a while.
Life may interfere. Perhaps I’ll get overwhelmed at work or at home. Or maybe I’ll get impatient (actually count on that). Maybe I’ll go away for a vacation or a conference somewhere and it will all go out the window. Or maybe – because change is scary and could be harmful – my mind will start to create thoughts that try to persuade me to quit this new and possibly positive change.
What to do then? Here are a few tips that might help me to keep going on such tough days or to make smart decisions.
Just for today!
Sounds like I’m at a recovery group-well maybe I am. It’s just that right now I’m the only member and my chant will be; “Just for today when I am in a meeting; be it formal or informal. I will only speak for 3 minutes at a time and I will wait my turn till I get my next 3 minutes.”
This is bad!! My thoughts are already thinking that if I was to get five 3 minute turns that would be 15 minutes. I could get get a lot said in 15 minutes. OMG I must be really far gone. Okay, okay bring it back in Nancy.
By telling myself that I only have to do it today I will release the mental burden of the past times I did it and future times when I will do it. And so the task becomes much lighter and the inner resistance melts away.
Plus, it also reminds me that the period that I am investing in changing a habit is not the rest of my life. After 30 days or so the habit will mostly be automatic so it is not something I have to do on willpower for the next few years or decades. I sure hope so.
So today is almost over and guess what, when tomorrow comes I’ll have a good day with less resistance and I will most likely feel like doing the task again. Then again tomorrow should be easy because I have no meetings or anything where I have to practice this behavior. I can still count that as a day in my 30 days can’t I?
Find inspiration quickly to change your mood and mind.
When I’m having a rough day then I’ll go and find some inspiration and motivation to keep going. With the help of just 15-20 minutes of personal development CDs, mp3s, blog posts or a chapter or two in a book they say one can often change negative thoughts and feelings within into something more positive. So what will I use for this? Not a lot of books on this habit that I’m familiar with. Oh I know…I’ll watch reruns of that board meeting. That should be stimulating or so boring that like a dog wearing a zap collar I’ll learn.
And so I’ll once again feel more motivated to keep going.
Nudge myself back on track when I slip.
I’ll probably slip along the way. It’s natural to do so. If I can avoid doing so over the 30 days then that is good. If I slip then that will have to be okay too. I won’t beat myself up if I do. That will only cause more negativity within and I may feel like giving up altogether just because I made a small slip or mistake; like speaking for 3-1/2 minutes for example.
Instead, I’ll nudge yourself back on track the next day again. And then keep going with the thought in mind that it is the smart choice to forgive myself and make it easier to make this habit a sticky habit.
Take a break/have a cheat day
Maybe I simply need a break for a day or two. Then darn it I will just take it. I think I should take my break on board meeting day or Committee of the Whole day….. But then nudge myself back on track again. No? Okay I won’t make it intentional and I will not let a small break become the end of this positive change.
Quit.
Am I trying to rid myself of this habit because I truly want it? Or am I creating it because someone told me to or because some people around me seem to have the ability to do this naturally? Well all of these I think.
I think that often when someone works on a new behavior there will be thoughts and feelings of not wanting to work on it. Much easier to revert to the old habit. Or in this case difficult because I just so want to do the right thing for my community. I desperately feel that if people can hear how passionate I am about a topic or initiative and how much work I’ve done to support that then I will have done the right thing.
The only difference is that now I have to get all that done, done well and in only 3 minutes…….
Nancy's Notes 