Nancy's Notes

2013 WHAT A YEAR!  2014 BRING IT ON!!!!

Triskaidekaphobics (literally people who fear the number 13 and yes there’s a word for everything) likely spent the year under a blanket in their apartment with all the lights turned off.  They might argue that nothing good happened. They can keep that to themselves. Plenty of good stuff happened in 2013, and people who were scared of the number 13 are biased anyway.  Yes there was a reminder of the fragility of life as I lost one of the most important people in my life. As well my best buddy my dog Tabasco was killed which leaves a void in my home. But overall  2013 was an incredible year for me.  My children are becoming young adults and my husband has decided to take on an educational initiative which has been both a challenge and a celebration.  I ran in 2 elections (no acclamation for me) and won both of them (with the dedication and support of some great individuals and my community in general). The year has been one of significant work and stress as well as great joy but as one to always put one foot in front of the other I will write about what I will try to give myself and those around me in 2014.

My musings as the New Year begins…

• I am definitely not the same person I was a year ago, a month ago, or a week ago.  I feel I am always growing.  Experiences don’t stop.  That’s life. Sometimes there are things in my life that are not meant to stay (thank God for that).  Sometimes the changes I don’t want are the changes I need to grow.  Growth and change may be painful sometimes, but nothing in my life has been as painful as staying stuck where I don’t belong.  The bottom line is that I can’t reach for anything new if I’m holding onto yesterday.  Sometimes I convince myself that holding on makes me strong, but more often it is letting go and starting anew in the present that has allowed me growth.  I now know if my life is going to mean anything, I have to live it myself. No that does not mean my family situation is changing-it just means I have to choose the path that feels right to ME, not the one that looks right to everyone else.  In honour of my late Dad who’s memoir was named ‘One Rung At A Time’ it seems appropriate that the analogy that comes to mind for me is that it’s always better to be at the bottom of the ladder I want to climb, than at the top of the one I don’t even want to be on.   I commit to at least try not to wait until I’m halfway up the wrong ladder to listen to my intuition. Yes Nancy that feeling in your gut means something.  It is a waste to always be questioning myself when I am the answer.   “I have a choice and I am here now because of the choices I’ve made in the past.”  Every morning I will try to ask myself what is really important, and then find the courage, wisdom and willpower to build my day around my answer.  In the end, it’s not what I say, but how I spend my time that counts.  If I want to do something, I’ll find a way; if I don’t, I’ll find an excuse.  I will try to identify what’s most important to me .  I will prune nonessential commitments (I am convinced vacuuming falls in the nonessential category and maybe even cooking….).  I will try to eliminate as much as I possibly can of everything else.  No wasted time, no fluff, no regrets.   They say the mark of a successful person is the ability to set aside the “somewhat important” things in order to accomplish the vital ones first.  I will try to be crystal clear about my priorities and then theoretically I can painlessly arrange them in the right order and discard the activities and commitments that do not support the ones at the top of my list.  As a Libra this decisiveness will be a challenge but I did say ‘try’.
• I tend to  think and think and think and accordingly will think myself right out of happiness a thousand times over, and never once into it.  I know that worrying doesn’t take away tomorrow’s troubles, it takes away today’s peace and potential. So I have to try to stop over-thinking everything.   My biggest limitations are the ones I make up in my mind.  The biggest causes of any unhappiness are the false beliefs I refuse to let go of.  I know I am capable of far more than I  am presently thinking, imagining, doing or being.  I may not be where I want to be  yet, but when I really think about it, I am definitely not where I once was either.   I have to believe I can trust myself moving forward not because I’ve always made the right choices but because I’ve survived the bad ones, and taken small steps in the right direction.  I will focus on the right things and just do the best I can.  I can’t  be crippled by stress and self-loathing.  Everything is only as it is.  There’s no reason to let it destroy me.  I will breathe and let every moment be what it’s going to be.  What’s meant to be will come my way, what’s not will fall away.  My greatest gifts have definitely not always been wrapped as I expected.
•  Expecting that everyone will appreciate what I  do for them often causes me grief.  I need to figure out who’s worth my attention and who’s just taking advantage of me.  Discerning this accurately is definitely one of my flaws.  Sometimes my time and energy is misspent on the wrong relationships or on too many activities that force me to neglect my good relationships.  I will not settle for those who treat me as ordinary.  That sounds a little grandiose but what I really mean is that I will not settle for being someone’s “option” when I have the potential to be someone’s “first choice.”  I am the sum of the people I spend the most time with.  I choose to be around people that will help me grow me into my ‘best self.’  The RIGHT people for me will love all the things about me that the WRONG people are intimidated by – that’s what I need to look out for.  Those ‘wrong’ people can be so destructive to my soul.  I too often let the fear of judgment numb and silence me.  My deepest thoughts and feelings often go unspoken, and thus barely understood.  I WILL NOT let people invalidate or minimize how I feel.  No one else lives in my body, or sees life through my eyes.  No one else has lived through my exact experiences and so no one else has the right to dictate or judge how I feel.  A great deal of unhappiness comes into the world because of confusion, bewilderment, and things left unsaid.  Many times in life I’ve regretted the things I’ve said without thinking.  But I’ve never regretted the things I said nearly as much as the words I’ve left unspoken. (Yes Mum I hear you).  I will not  hide my thoughts and feelings, especially when I can make a difference. I will be brave and say what needs to be said.  When I don’t communicate effectively with those around me, there’s a lot of important stuff that ends up not getting said and a lot of beautiful emotion that ends up not being felt.  I will work to hear others even when what they say conflicts with my beliefs or understanding.
• As Mahatma Gandhi (with whom I share an October 2nd birthday) once said, “Live as if you were to die tomorrow.  Learn as if you were to live forever.”  Life is a book and those who do not educate themselves read only a few pages. It’s clear to me-when I know better I live better.  Period.  All education is self-education.  It doesn’t matter if I’m sitting in a university classroom, a Board meeting, a council meeting or a coffee shop.  I won’t learn anything I don’t want to learn.  I believe that because I take the time and initiative to pursue knowledge on my own time I will benefit from earning a real education in this world.  When I take a look at any widely acclaimed scholar, entrepreneur or historical figure I can think of, formal education or not, I find that he or she is a product of continuous self-education.
•  Life is short.  The risk to remain perched in my nest is far more detrimental than the risk it takes to fly.  This year I will spread my wings and I will fly. (Yes Dad my goal is for this to be both figurative and literal). I’m sure some of you don’t see me as a ‘nest sitter’  but I assure you I have not reached my full potential.  To accomplish great things, I must not only act, but also dream, not only plan, but also believe. This year I will be a positive motivator, a productive doer, and a go-getter who keeps my head in the clouds and my feet on the ground.  I will let the spirit of passion and possibility ignite a fire within me to do something worthwhile today, and I won’t forget to spread my enthusiasm to those around me.    This year I will take the time to touch my dreams.  I spend so much time trying to be the voice of reason that I sometimes forget to allow myself to embrace my dreams.  They say everyone dreams, but not equally.  Too many people dream only at night in the quiet of their own minds, and then awake to find it was all an illusion.  I don’t want to continue to be one of them.  I want to dream by the day instead.  I want to be one of the people who dreams with their eyes wide open, and who works to make them come true.  I only have so much time, and I want to spend it where it counts.

These will be my gifts to myself and to my family, friends and colleagues this year.   What will be yours?