On this Family Day, I found myself reaching back to Christmas 2011. My oldest son had just graduated high school, my youngest was finishing elementary school, and tucked in with their gifts was something far less exciting to young boys at the time, a poem that I had written them.
I am not sure it meant much to them then. But today, in a world that feels more complicated and demanding, those words feel different even to me. Maybe this is parenting. We plant seeds and hope that someday they take root.
The photos I am sharing are not of the men they are today; they would never agree to that, but of the little boys who once filled our home with noise and laughter. The boys who grew into two fine young men, I could not be prouder of.
We were never a traditional family. Eclectic, unconventional, a little unusual and perhaps that is exactly what family is meant to be. Through my strong opinions and very sharp views of the world, my family has always been there. They listen, they challenge, they tolerate, and somehow we remain anchored to one another.
Our children face a different world from the one we knew. More complex, more uncertain, more demanding. All any parent can do is hope they gave us something steady, a compass, a foundation, a quiet inner voice to guide us when the world feels loud.
Today, I am sharing the poem exactly as I wrote it. Not one word changed.
To My Sons…. Did I tell you?
Now that you are almost grown, I look back and ask myself….
Did I tell you all that I meant to tell you, all that I felt was important?
Did I tell you or was it lost in the shuffle of our everyday lives, the busy full days when I taught and didn’t know it. What did I teach? Was it strong? Was it good? Will it root you in something real that will allow you to grow with a firm and sound foundation?
Did I tell you to love, not with a fair-weather love, but with a love that accepts and cherishes unconditionally? Love not with a quick and passing love, but with a love that is a quiet peace within your heart.
Did I tell you to be thoughtful? Not to be a martyr or doormat to be trod upon, but to be aware of other people and their needs, to meet others with awareness and within your own framework be able to meet them halfway and on occasion go the other half joyfully.
Did I tell you to be courteous, not to display empty manners with no meaning but to live the courtesy born of caring? And to express this caring through the small formalities and customs born of the years.
Did I tell you to be bold? To be not afraid of the unknown, but to live life to the fullest, and meet each new experience with joy and anticipation.
And did I tell you to be cautious? To temper your daring and sense of adventure with good judgement and consideration.
Did I tell you to serve other people if only in a small way? There is growth and satisfaction in being part of something larger than yourself and your life will be richer for knowing this.
Did I tell you to maintain a sense of the past? To recall and uphold all that is best and meaningful in our country and in our society. But never be afraid to speak out where you don’t believe or where there is room for improvement. Work for what you believe, but work in a positive way within a structure of order and reason.
Did I tell you to find a part of nature that speaks to you then know it intimately and well. For some it is a mountain peak, for some a windswept beach. Find your own and in it find your restoration.
Did I tell you to laugh, to dance, to sing? There is a lot in life that is hard, but take it as it comes and find the good…and make time to dance.
Did I tell you to be creative and explore the seed within you? Find your creative spirit and let it grow.
And did I tell you the challenge of being a man-the challenge of balancing your worlds?- the need to achieve and the need to nurture-the need to be strong and the need to be tender-the need to meet the tests that life brings yet always keep love at the centre: letting it be the star by which you set your sail.
Did I tell you these things as we went along the way? If I did then I am humbly grateful. If I did not than you must choose for yourself. If it has meaning than accept it and make it your own. If it does not, discard it. Your life is yours to build as you choose
And did I tell you….That I hope it will be a good life
Nancy's Notes 