Life is not complex. We are complex. Life is simple, and the simple thing is the right thing
Oscar Wilde
When I was young life was easier-I think. Or at least sometimes it seems that way. But the truth is life still is easy. It always will be. The only difference is I’m older, and the older I get, the harder I make things for myself.
You see, when I was young I saw the world through simple, hopeful eyes. I knew what I wanted and I had no biases or concealed agendas. I liked people who smiled. I avoided people who frowned. I ate when I was hungry, drank when I was thirsty, and slept when I was tired.
As I’ve grown older my mind has become gradually disillusioned by negative external influences. At some point I began to hesitate and question my instincts. When a new obstacle or growing pain has arisen I have sometimes stumbled and fallen down. This happened several times. Eventually I decided I didn’t want to fall again, but rather than solving the problem that caused me to fall, I avoided it all together.
As a result, I eat comfort food and find ways to numb my wounds and fill my voids. I’ve worked late nights on purpose to avoid unresolved conflicts at home. I’ve sometimes held grudges. Over the course of time, I’ve made my life harder and harder, and I sometimes lose touch with who I really am and what I really need.
How can I get back to seeing life through childhood eyes? Here goes:
- I am going to try to stop looking to someone else for the answers I can give myself. – For much of my life – especially at the beginning of my venture into adulthood– I got told what to do, how to think, what looks good, what “success” is, etc. I don’t have to buy into any of it anymore. I will feel free to peel back the layers. Think for myself. Listen to myself. I will break the mold. I think that when I stop doing what everybody else wants me to do and start following my own intuition, I will find exactly what I am looking for.
- I will NOT let others make me feel guilty for living my life. – As long as I’m not hurting anyone else, I’m going to keep living my life MY way. Sometimes I get lost in trying to live for someone else, trying to meet their expectations, and doing things just to impress them. I am going to focus on doing things I truly believe in. I will remember my own goals. I need to live, do and love so that I am happy, because when it comes down to it, it is me I have to live with for the rest of my life.
- I will NOT allow toxic people to get the best of me. – I don’t have to feel guilty about removing toxic people from my life. I will not make room for people who cause me pain or make me feel small. It’s one thing if a person owns up to their behavior and makes an effort to change. But if a person disregards my feelings, ignores my boundaries and continues to treat me in a harmful way, they need to go. I will just walk away! At the same time I will not be the toxic person who assigns negative intent to other people’s actions. Cliche as it sounds I will TRY to look for the good in everyone I meet..
- I will TRY not to compete with everyone else. – Okay I am competitive. Sometimes it creates an unnecessary bitterness. So my plan is to simply compete with a previous version of myself. This is going to be hard. Driven as I am it is natural to be competitive. It’s as simple as that.
- I will be a giver-but not till it hurts– One way I deal with stress and loss is immersing myself in doing good for others. I Volunteer. I get involved in life. But it is exhausting me. I will try a new approach to giving….just saying a kind work, or visiting someone who is alone. When it comes down to it, there are two types of people in this world. There are givers and there are takers. Givers are happy. Takers are still unhappily wondering what’s in it for them. I have always been a giver but I have to find a balance in this.
- I will focus on effectiveness over popularity. – I try to seek respect, not attention. It lasts longer and it’s far more useful in the end. I will continue to do things and make things that make a difference. I will not confuse popularity with effectiveness. Being popular means I’m liked for a while. Being effective means I’ve made a difference.
- I will not put off making decisions. – Bad decisions are almost always better than no decisions at all. Indecisiveness just delays, while bad decisions teach me to yield to better ones. In the end, I tend to most often regret the chances I didn’t take, the relationships I was afraid to have, and the decisions I waited too long to make.
- I will focus on NOW. – I can’t change yesterday, but I can sure ruin today by worrying about tomorrow. I will be present. Tomorrow will reveal itself exactly as it should, just as yesterday already has.
- I will be resilient! – There’s no such thing as perfect success, just as there’s no such thing as perfect failure. This is why labeling things in extremes – all or nothing – success or failure – is an exercise in futility. I do it too often. As a child would, I am going to try to see life as a continuous series of imperfect moments filled with infinite possibilities and opportunities. I will think about the Yin and Yang in Chinese philosophy, which states that opposite forces are often interconnected. In suffering, I can (and will) find great strength, in heartbreak I can find resilience, and in loss I can find a renewed appreciation for life. Life is always Yin and Yang. Opposites are interdependent and interconnected. I can’t completely shield myself from sadness without also shielding myself from happiness. And above all, I will try to not let success get to my head or failure get to my heart. I will continue to have loss and disappointment. But in a sense, true happiness would not be possible without it. My life, after all, is not a life absent of problems, but one where I’ve been able to rise above them. So most of all I will foster the resilience I already have.
Nancy's Notes 