Posts Tagged ‘resilience’

I’m Ready

Posted: January 2, 2016 in Uncategorized
Tags: , , , , ,
0

 

Northern lights9-1 

So I have no ‘resolutions’. A resolution seems to have no margin for error; it’s defined as a firm decision to do or not do something. Well there are days my friends that the resolve to perhaps not eat that amazing meal may just not be that important. I’m kind of flawed so I best scrap the perfection plan. Instead I will have things I will ‘challenge’ myself to do. Some may be outrageous and some will not be. In fact I have given a motto to one of my ‘challenges’ for this year; “The thing is so difficult I can not help but attempt it.” Others will be a little more ordinary.  Can I allow myself to once again enjoy a love of reading?  That is achievable.  I just have to allow myself the time.  I’m going to be less about more and more about less. If it can be said with less or done with less than so it will be. Will 2016 be my best year ever? Every year I have lived has taught me something and helped me to be the work in progress that I am.  What I have learned in 2015 is that the value of family and friends is not cliche…it has in fact saved my life.  So my 2016 new words to live by are ambitious and resilient while never losing sight of the ones that got me through 2015; dignity, purpose and most importantly hope.

Auld Lang Syne

Posted: December 31, 2014 in Uncategorized
Tags: , , , , , , , , , , , , , , ,
5

lighthouse-sunset-sky

My musings as the New Year begins…

  • I am definitely not the same person I was a year ago, a month ago, or a week ago.  I have to believe that I am always growing.  Experiences don’t stop.  That’s life. Sometimes there are things in my life that are not meant to stay (thank God for that).  Sometimes the changes I don’t want are the changes I need to grow.  Growth and change may be painful sometimes, but nothing in my life has been as painful as staying stuck where I don’t belong.  The bottom line is that I can’t reach for anything new if I’m holding onto yesterday.  I hope others will offer me the grace to work in that direction and even if they don’t I need to do that for myself. Sometimes I convince myself that holding on makes me strong, but more often it is letting go and starting anew in the present that has allowed me growth.  I now know if my life is going to mean anything, I have to live it myself.   No; that does not mean my family situation is changing-it just means I have to choose the path that feels right to ME, not the one that looks right to everyone else.  In honour of my late Dad who’s memoir was named ‘One Rung At A Time’ it seems appropriate that the analogy that comes to mind for me is that it’s always better to be at the bottom of the ladder I want to climb, than at the top of the one I don’t even want to be on.   I commit to at least try not to wait until I’m halfway up the wrong ladder to listen to my intuition. Yes Nancy that feeling in your gut means something.  It is a waste to always be questioning myself when I am the answer.   “I have a choice and I am here now because of the choices I’ve made in the past.”  One of my favourite expressions is ‘When you blame others you give up the power to change.’  I will live that quote.   Every morning I will try to ask myself what is really important, and then find the courage, wisdom and willpower to build my day around my answer.   No wasted time, no fluff, no regrets.   
  • I tend to  think and think and think and accordingly will think myself right out of happiness a thousand times over, and never once into it.  I know that worrying doesn’t take away tomorrow’s troubles, it takes away today’s peace and potential.  So I have to try to stop over-thinking everything.   Right now this will be particularly difficult for me.  My biggest limitations are the ones I make up in my mind.  The biggest causes of any unhappiness are the false beliefs I refuse to let go of.  I know I am capable of far more than I  am presently thinking, imagining, doing or being.  I may not be where I want to be  yet, but when I really think about it, I am definitely not where I once was either.   I have to believe I can trust myself moving forward not because I’ve always made the right choices but because I’ve survived the bad ones, and taken small steps in the right direction.  I will focus on the right things and just do the best I can.  I can’t  be crippled by stress and self-loathing.  Everything is only as it is.  There’s no reason to let it destroy me.  I will breathe and let every moment be what it’s going to be.  What’s meant to be will come my way, what’s not will fall away.  My greatest gifts have definitely not always been wrapped as I expected.
  • Sometimes my time and energy is misspent on the wrong relationships or on too many activities that force me to neglect my good relationships.  A quote from Josh Radnor says “It’s not our job to play judge and jury, to determine who is worthy of our kindness and who is not.  We just need to be kind, unconditionally and without ulterior motive, even-or rather, especially-when we’d prefer not to be.”  I promise that it will be my intent to do that for others and I will ask for the same grace.  I too often let the fear of judgment numb and silence me.  My deepest thoughts and feelings often go unspoken, and thus barely understood.   I am the sum of the people I spend the most time with.  I choose to be around people that will help me grow me into my ‘best self.’   Those ‘wrong’ people can be so destructive to my soul.  I WILL NOT let people invalidate or minimize how I feel.  No one else lives in my body, or sees life through my eyes.  No one else has lived through my exact experiences and so no one else has the right to dictate or judge how I feel.  A great deal of unhappiness comes into the world because of confusion, bewilderment, and things left unsaid.  Many times in life I’ve regretted the things I’ve said without thinking.  But I’ve never regretted the things I said nearly as much as the words I’ve left unspoken. (Yes Mum I hear you).  I will not  hide my thoughts and feelings, especially when I can make a difference.   I will be brave and say what needs to be said.  When I don’t communicate effectively with those around me, there’s a lot of important stuff that ends up not getting said and a lot of beautiful emotion that ends up not being felt.  I will work to hear others even when what they say conflicts with my beliefs or understanding.
  • As Mahatma Gandhi (with whom I share an October 2nd birthday) once said, “Live as if you were to die tomorrow.  Learn as if you were to live forever.”  Life is a book and those who do not educate themselves read only a few pages. It’s clear to me-when I know better I live better.  Period.  All education is self-education I won’t learn anything I don’t want to learn.  I believe that because I take the time and initiative to pursue knowledge on my own time I will benefit from earning a real education in this world.  When I take a look at any widely acclaimed scholar, entrepreneur or historical figure I can think of, formal education or not, I find that he or she is a product of continuous self-education.  Perhaps this year I will pursue some formal education opportunities but continued self education will be most important.
  •  Life is short.  The risk to remain perched in my nest; particularly the one I have hidden in for the past 2 months, is far more detrimental than the risk it takes to fly.  This year I will spread my wings and I will fly. (Yes Dad my goal is for this to be both figurative and literal). I’m sure some of you don’t see me as a ‘nest sitter’  but I assure you I have not reached my full potential.  To accomplish great things, I must not only act, but also dream, not only plan, but also believe. This year I will be a positive motivator, a productive doer, and a go-getter who keeps my head in the clouds and my feet on the ground.  I will let the spirit of passion and possibility ignite a fire within me to do something worthwhile today, and I won’t forget to spread my enthusiasm to those around me.    This year I will take the time to touch my dreams.   They say everyone dreams, but not equally.  Too many people dream only at night in the quiet of their own minds, and then awake to find it was all an illusion.  I don’t want to continue to be one of them.  I want to dream by the day instead.  I want to be one of the people who dreams with their eyes wide open, and who works to make them come true.  I only have so much time, and I want to spend it where it counts.  

In The Eyes Of A Child……..How I need to see life.

Posted: August 8, 2014 in Uncategorized
Tags: , , ,
1

intheeyesofachildLife is not complex.  We are complex.  Life is simple, and the simple thing is the right thing

Oscar Wilde

When I was young life was easier-I think.   Or at least sometimes it seems that way.  But the truth is life still is easy.  It always will be.  The only difference is I’m older, and the older I get, the harder I make things for myself.

You see, when I was young I saw the world through simple, hopeful eyes.  I knew what I wanted and I had no biases or concealed agendas.  I liked people who smiled.  I avoided people who frowned.  I ate when I was hungry, drank when I was thirsty, and slept when I was tired.

As I’ve grown older my mind has become gradually disillusioned by negative external influences.  At some point I began to hesitate and question my instincts.  When a new obstacle or growing pain has arisen I have sometimes stumbled and fallen down.  This happened several times.  Eventually I decided I didn’t want to fall again, but rather than solving the problem that caused me to fall, I avoided it all together.

As a result, I eat comfort food and find ways to numb my wounds and fill my voids.  I’ve worked late nights on purpose to avoid unresolved conflicts at home.  I’ve sometimes held grudges. Over the course of time, I’ve made my life harder and harder, and I sometimes lose touch with who I really am and what I really need.

How can I get back to seeing life through childhood eyes?  Here goes:

  1. I am going to try to stop looking to someone else for the answers I can give myself. – For much of my life – especially at the beginning of my venture into adulthood– I got told what to do, how to think, what looks good, what “success” is, etc.  I don’t have to buy into any of it anymore.  I will feel free to peel back the layers.  Think for myself.  Listen to myself.  I will break the mold. I think that when I stop doing what everybody else wants me to do and start following my own intuition, I will find exactly what I am looking for.
  2. I will NOT let others make me feel guilty for living my life. – As long as I’m not hurting anyone else, I’m going to keep living my life MY way.  Sometimes I get lost in trying to live for someone else, trying to meet their expectations, and doing things just to impress them. I am going to focus on doing things I truly believe in.  I will  remember my own goals.  I need to live, do and love so that I am happy, because when it comes down to it, it is me I have to live with for the rest of my life.
  3. I will NOT allow toxic people to get the best of me. – I don’t have to feel guilty about removing toxic people from my life.  I will not make room for people who cause me pain or make me feel small.  It’s one thing if a person owns up to their behavior and makes an effort to change.  But if a person disregards my feelings, ignores my boundaries and continues to treat me in a harmful way, they need to go.  I will just walk away! At the same time I will not be the toxic person who assigns negative intent to other people’s actions.  Cliche as it sounds I will TRY to look for the good in everyone I meet..
  4. I will TRY not to compete with everyone else. – Okay I am competitive.  Sometimes it creates an unnecessary bitterness.  So my plan is to simply compete with a previous version of myself.  This is going to be hard.  Driven as I am it is natural to be competitive.   It’s as simple as that.
  5. I will be a giver-but not till it hurts– One way I deal with stress and loss is immersing myself in doing good for others.  I Volunteer. I get involved in life. But it is exhausting me.  I will try a new approach to giving….just saying a kind work, or visiting someone who is alone.  When it comes down to it, there are two types of people in this world.   There are givers and there are takers.  Givers are happy.  Takers are still unhappily wondering what’s in it for them.  I have always been a giver but I have to find a balance in this.
  6. I will focus on effectiveness over popularity. – I try to seek respect, not attention.  It lasts longer and it’s far more useful in the end.  I will continue to do things and make things that make a difference.  I will not confuse popularity with effectiveness.  Being popular means I’m liked for a while.  Being effective means I’ve made a difference.
  7. I will not put off making decisions. – Bad decisions are almost always better than no decisions at all.  Indecisiveness just delays, while bad decisions teach me to yield to better ones.  In the end, I tend to most often regret the chances I didn’t take, the relationships I was afraid to have, and the decisions I waited too long to make.
  8. I will focus on NOW. – I can’t change yesterday, but I can sure ruin today by worrying about tomorrow.  I will be present.  Tomorrow will reveal itself exactly as it should, just as yesterday already has.
  9. I will be resilient! – There’s no such thing as perfect success, just as there’s no such thing as perfect failure.  This is why labeling things in extremes – all or nothing – success or failure – is an exercise in futility.  I do it too often. As a child would,  I am going to try to see life as a continuous series of imperfect moments filled with infinite possibilities and opportunities.  I will think about the Yin and Yang in Chinese philosophy, which states that opposite forces are often interconnected.  In suffering, I can (and will) find great strength, in heartbreak I can find resilience, and in loss I can find a renewed appreciation for life.  Life is always Yin and Yang.  Opposites are interdependent and interconnected.  I can’t completely shield myself from sadness without also shielding myself from happiness. And above all, I will try to not let success get to my head or failure get to my heart.  I will continue to have loss and disappointment.  But in a sense, true happiness would not be possible without it.  My life, after all, is not a life absent of problems, but one where I’ve been able to rise above them.  So most of all I will foster the resilience I already have.